A Golden Tournament

THE SPORTS BOTTOM - May 27, 2013

Greetings from the great state of California. Sorry I’ve been out-of-touch for a while. A long while. I’ve been letting life’s dramas get the better of me for the last year or so. But it’s time to put my “big-boy pants” on, quit feeling sorry for myself, get a fucking job and move on with my life. Seriously, if it doesn’t happen now it may not be happening. And I certainly don’t want that.

So what’s the cause of my need for change? To be honest it’s the wonderful game of slow-pitch softball. Specifically the wonderful folks on the San Francisco Inferno teams and the wonderful folks in the San Francisco Gay Softball League (SFGSL).

My softball season started with a major thud. I broke a finger in my hand a week before the season started and have been on the disabled list all season. It’s been very frustrating not being able to play. But I’ve been attending the games, keeping score in the “book”, coaching the bases and being the overall number one fan of the Inferno.

This past weekend the SFGSL hosted the Golden Bear Softball Tournament here in San Francisco. Twenty teams competed in the “D” division, with competing teams from San Francisco, Seattle, Portland, Los Angeles, Long Beach, Sacramento and Boston, the Boston Pink Sox. Tournaments are always a crap shoot because generally tournament teams consist of a group of players who’ve never played together as a team. Players are often playing different positions and it takes a game or two to “gell”, so-to-speak.

Our Inferno team consisted of folks from all over the place. We have six teams in our Inferno (non-profit) Family. The Inferno plays in the SFGSL’s “D”-division, the rookie league. We also have the Demons and the Devils, both playing in the “C”-division. We have two women’s teams, the Blaze (women’s “D”) and the Phoenix (women’s “C”).  We also have the Sandbox, which is a co-ed team playing the San Francisco City League. I know, it’s out of control.

The Golden Bear tournament team consisted of members of the Inferno-D, the Demons, the Blaze and friends and extended softball family folks from Sacramento. Truly a hodgepodge of players and people. We struggled in our first game, losing to the Long Beach Posse 11-0. Obviously it’s tough to win when you don’t hit or score, and this was the case in the game.

Fortunately we didn’t have any time to fudge over the game as we played another one right away, scoring three runs in our last at bat and defeating the Sacramento Aftershock 11-10. What a game. And our team was cheering, supporting each other and generally having a great time. It was quite the bonding experience. 

We had a little break and spent a couple of hours waiting for our next game. Our team had a “base camp” where we gathered and kept our stuff. So much fun was had. We bonded, made new friends, supported each other, told horrible jokes and sexually harassed each other and other hot guys on the fields. A good time was had by all. So much love and support coming from everyone. The “new guys” were so fun to hang out with, play ball with, look at (they all were very hot!). It sucked that I couldn’t play due to my injured hand, but it was great hanging out and supporting this great group of men and women.

The tournament continued with the Inferno playing our friends the Storm, a fellow team in our SFGSL division. The Inferno has not had much success against the Storm during our past few regular seasons, but on this day we kicked their arses 23-2. We just hit everything and our defense was solid. Our break at base camp definitely helped us relax and enjoy ourselves and enjoy the tournament.

Following the game against the Storm we had a game against the Long Beach Cocks. This game went back and forth and was very close, with the Inferno leading 7-6 heading to the last evening. Unfortunately our team mojo ran out and we gave up 14 runs to lose 20-7. Ouch. Tough way to end the first day of the tournament, but we had a great day, getting two victories and having a ball.

The tournament continued on Sunday with the Inferno playing until we lost a game. The softball gods were having fun with us as our first game on Sunday was at 8AM against our good buddies Hold My Beer (official team name: HOLD MY BEER WHILE I KISS YOUR GIRLFRIEND). Yes, it’s a women’s team. A women’s team that I know most or all of the members and love them dearly, a women’s team who trounced us a couple of years ago at another tournament. 

8AM on a Sunday. I was up at 5:30 to catch a 6 o’clock bus to get to the Marina on time. The bus stop “sign” said the next bus was 50 minutes away. What? Not according to the posted schedule. I was two hours too early to ride BART, and no Muni trains in site. I’m panicking. I finally resolve to calm down and wait for the bus and if I’m late, I’m late. My bus showed up two minutes later.

These women are a tough team, having been together for a long time. Solid hitting and awesome defense are their trademarks. Plus I love them. Many are my weekly trivia team teammates and Miss Kitty’s wife and on and on. Great ladies. Our team came out nervous (or hungover) and we trailed 7-5 heading into our last at bat. We rallied with three runs and won the game 8-7. Very exciting. So proud of our team for waking up and getting the victory. Go Inferno!

So we earned the right to play another game. Our opponents: the Long Beach Venom. Lack of hitting caught up with us again as we fell to the Venom 12-2. Alas, our tournament ended. But a very good showing by the Inferno. We won three tournament games! Three!

Throw in the Saturday tournament party our fundraiser at the Lone Star and the closing party on Sunday and a wonderful weekend was had. Hanging out with the Hold My Beer ladies and my team on Sunday afternoon, laughing, watching softball games, making new friends, so much positive love and laughter and happiness from everyone there. I can’t describe how wonderful it was to laugh and hug and tell stories and just enjoy everyone’s company. I love my team and my friends.

So hopefully I can bottle the positive-ness and harness it’s awesome energy and spirit and get my life back on track. It’s time. And if our little softball team can win three tournament games then I can get my shit together and my life together. 

I look forward to giving you new material to read again here in the Sports Bottom blog. I also look forward to getting back on the softball field soon playing ball again. Our regular season resumes this Sunday with a 2 o’clock game against the Bombshells. See you at stinky Westlake at 2!

List Is Made and Checked Twice

THE SPORTS BOTTOM - December 17, 2010

Hello. I’m still here. Sorry for the long delay between postings. I’d say I’ve been busy but I haven’t really been. Lazy, mostly. Though I did begin volunteering at Under One Roof in the Castro here in San Francisco. 

Under One Roof is a non-profit store where 100% of the profits go to local Aids Service Organizations here in the Bay Area. It’s a wonderful store during the holiday season. Seriously, if you can’t “get into” the Christmas spirit when you walk into the shop, then you’re probably not ever going to be a Christmas person. Can’t wait to see the store after January. Supposedly one Christmas display stays up year ‘round. Come by and see us for you last minute gift needs!

OK, so much has happened in the sports world that this will probably, well, who am I trying to kid. This posting will be a list! A list I tell you! Where to start? One thing “stuck in my crawl” for over a week, and that thing is Brett Favre. Look, I get that his streak of 297 consecutive starts was very impressive. Monumental, really. But when the sports media is discussing the streak and whether Favre would play or not, rather than concentrating on the team and what the Vikings needed to be doing to improve for next season, well, it kind of made me sick.

Brett Favre is not more important than the team. He’s not! Or at least he shouldn’t be. There really is no “i” in team. Heck, even my gay softball team knows that. And then the Metrodome roof collapses due to the snow/wind. Wow, how freakin’ awesome was the video of inside the dome during the collapse? Amazing. And a fitting end to Favre’s career, so say the football gods and goddesses.

Cam Newton from Auburn won the Heisman Trophy. (Kevin, yeah, Warm Beagle is playing for the title a year after the Tide won it. Two words, Sweetie: QUACK ATTACK!!) So apparently his father pimped out his football services to the highest bidder. If so, then naturally Auburn would outbid Mississippi State for a prized football recruit. They’re higher up in the pecking order.

And the NCAA decided that yes, Newton’s father did pimp his son. But his son didn’t know about it, so therefore he should not be punished. Which means kicked off the football team and not be eligible to play at all anymore. Really? Ignorance then IS a defense to break the law according to the NCAA. Interesting.

Mizzou is playing Iowa in the Insight Bowl in Tempe, Arizona. Hmmm, at least it should be warm. It will make it a bit more tolerable to sit on the bleacher seats at Sun Devil Stadium. At least it used to be all bleachers. We’ll see.

I also found it very interesting that, though Missouri and Iowa are border states, the two schools haven’t met on the football field since 1910. Interesting. Apparently they met quite often until 1910, when according to Iowa, Missouri wouldn’t allow one Hawkeye player to play because he was black, and after the narrow Tiger victory, the Iowa coach swore never to play Mizzou again. And they haven’t. I love history.

Quite the NFL season going on. We’re in week 14 and things are pretty tight. Of course the f*ck*ng Patriots are kicking major arse again. And the Steelers, even with Big Ben out for six games, are cruising along. Atlanta and New Orleans are battling in the NFC South, and it looks like we’re learning that maybe Randy Moss really is that much of a cancer on a team’s roster. 

But the one thing that really bothers me is how the NFC West, and more importantly the West’s automatic playoff berth, are being ridiculed and laughed at. Look, I have no problem seeding all playoff teams with 1-8 being the best records in the conference. The division championship would still guarantee you a playoff game, but you wouldn’t be guaranteed a home playoff game. 

That way an 8-8 division winner (say, St. Louie Rams!!) would qualify for the playoffs but a wild card team with an 11-5 record (say, Chicago Bears) would get the home game rather than the Rams due to the better won-loss record. I’m OK with that.

Another problem that I have is that folks are saying that the West champion shouldn’t get into the playoffs at all. Say the Rams win the division. It will take 8, if not 9, wins to capture the division crown. The Rams won one game last year. ONE GAME! 

That means the team (bless you Sam Bradford!) will have improved over last season by a minimum of 7 games, maybe even 8 or 9. That’s a HUGE improvement, something that shouldn’t be overlooked simply because the rest of the division is weak. If the Rams can pull out the division crown and host a playoff game, well, I think the Rams and the good folks in St. Louis (that’s you, Mom!) deserve it after enduring all of the hellish football of the last three, four seasons. 

The Beard Has Been Feared

THE SPORTS BOTTOM - November 2, 2010

Finally the real curse is over. The curse? Maybe not. The Torture? Definitely. 

Call it what you want but 52 years is a long time. And the San Francisco Giants are World Champions of Baseball (well, North America anyways)!

Yes, our beloved Giants did the impossible and the improbable and won the World Series four games to one against the Texas Rangers, igniting minor rioting but mostly major reveling and merriment in the streets of San Francisco (hey, that would be great name for a TV show!). It was the first championship for the Giants since the big move west in 1958. It also, somewhat, exorcised the demons of the near misses in 1989 and 2002.

The Giants’ pitching in the Series (the entire postseason, for that matter) was simply unbelievable. Timmy Lincecum pitched eight innings of one-run ball and Brian “Fear the Beard” Wilson closed out the Ninth. Matty Cain didn’t give up an earned run throughout the ENTIRE POSTSEASON! And Mad Dog Bumgarner pitched eight shutout innings in Game Four to pretty much seal the victory for the Orange and Black.

What a band of misfits, as the team was being called by national and local media types. Aubrey Huff Daddy and his magic red thong. FEAR THE THONG!

Cody Ross. The bald, bearded wonder. Got the Giants off and running this postseason with some huge home runs against Atlanta and Philadelphia. He was also stealing the hearts of men and women in San Francisco with his adorable smile. Hence his nickname: Smiles. (ahhh!)

Buster Freakin’ Posey! Soon to be named Rookie of the Year for the National League for 2010. Wow. Has a player ever emerged from the minors and stolen a team’s and a city’s collective hearts quite like Posey did this year? Buster looks like he’s 15 years old but he plays like a grizzly veteran. He handles the pitchers brilliantly and how many clutch hits and homers did he have this post season?

And who can forget Edgar Renteria? World Series Most Valuable Player! Wow. When he hit the three run homer in Game Five I thought the roof of the bar was gonna fly off. That’s how loud the crowd was inside. Just amazing.

After the final out and the champagne was being toasted me and my buddies drifted outside to see what was happening in the streets. Even in Bernal Heights cars were honking and people highfiving out their windows, waving Rally Rags. People were hugging in the streets, dancing in the streets. Fireworks were being shot off (probably illegally). Good times abounded.

There was minor violence. Six arrests at last count. A couple of windows broken. City busses stopped by crowds in the streets. Nothing too major.

Finally the 2010 baseball season is over. It’s been a long ride. And who knew that our beloved Giants would be the last team standing.Thank god it’s over, though. I seriously can’t afford to be going out every night and my liver hurts. So well done, Boys!

Next up is tomorrow’s parade and civic celebration. I’ve never been to a championship celebration parade. In the St. Louis Cardinals World Series’ in the 1980s I was too young and 100 miles away in 1982. In 1985 we were robbed by Don Denkinger. And in 1987 we were robbed by the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome in Minneapolis. And the St. Louie Rams won the Super Bowl the year AFTER I moved to California. Just my luck.

So tomorrow is finally the day. Almost 41 years on this planet and finally this avid sports fan gets to go to a championship celebration parade. Should be quite memorable. 

As memorable as the 2010 Giants? Who knows. This team of misfits will be hard to top. But it should be a wonderful culmination to an unbelievably wonderful season.

Go Giants! 2010 World Series Champions! Enjoy the parade tomorrow, San Francisco. I’ll be packed into Civic Center myself. Back to normal life on Thursday.

Orange October Contines... to November

THE SPORTS BOTTOM - October 25, 2010

To borrow a phrase from the late, great Jack Buck, “Go crazy, Folks! Go crazy!”

And that’s exactly what happened this past Saturday evening, at approximately 8 PM local time, here in San Francisco. Brian Wilson, of Fear-the-Beard fame, pitched the final five outs against the Philadelphia Phillies and got Ryan Howard looking for strike three to clinch the National League Pennant for the San Francisco Giants.

The Giants win the pennant! The Giants win the pennant!

What a series. Simply unreal. Do the Giants have the best pitching staff ever? Maybe. Maybe not. But the rotation of Timmy Lincecum, Matty (Ralph Malph) Cain, Jonathan Sanchez and Madison “Mad Dog” Bumgarner is pretty tough to beat. Throw in a bullpen that’s getting stronger and stronger as it gets colder an wetter outside, and Brian “Beard” Wilson closing things out, and the Giants pitching is rock solid.

I was fortunate to go to Game Four of the N.L.C.S. at AT&T Park, the 6-5 Giants win on a “walk off” sacrifice fly. Unreal. The electricity in the stadium that evening, I’ve never seen anything like it before. The crowd roared on every pitch.

We had “standing room only” tickets, which were great, about 10 feet to the left of the right field fair pole. We stood in front of McCovey Cove. The view was amazing, until something happened and everyone in front of us stood up. Couldn’t see a gawd-damn thing. Did I or my buddy Jenny (if you ever get a chance to go to a game with Jenny, playoffs or regular season, DO IT!) mind or complain? Oh hell no. 

I (and Jenny also, as it turned out) had never been to a major league playoff game before. It was mind-blowingly exciting. Every pitch. Every out. Every baserunner. I hugged everyone standing around us at least five times. The crowd was jovial. We were all just happy to be there, screaming and yelling, sweating and bleeding our beloved Giants to victory. 

And it worked. Giants won 6-5. Led the series 3-1. Timmy pitching Game Five at home. How could we lose? Clinching the pennant in front of the home fans. Yes.

Except that the Giants played probably their worst game of the post season. Errors, bad umpire calls, mostly errors and lack of clutch hitting, and the Phillies survived to play another day, winning Game Five 4-2.

Off to Philly for Games Six and Seven, if needed. The Giants’ history in clinching playoff series’ on the road was not good. 1987, lost the final two games in St. Louis to lose the pennant. 2002, lost the final two games to Anaheim on the road to lose the World Series, blowing a five run lead in Game Six late in the game. Uh oh. There were/are reasons the Giants have yet to win a World Series title since moving to San Francisco. Oh dear...

Saturday rolled around. Personally I was torn because my beloved Mizzou Tigers were playing the then-B.C.S. number one ranked Oklahoma Sooners on national TV at the exact time the Giants were playing. I chose to support my beloved Giants, as the World Series was on the line.

Got my business done on Saturday and met up with “the gang”, my group of buddies and friends that I’ve watched most of the Giants’ playoff games with this autumn. Went to the Stray Bar in Bernal Heights (cheap plug, yeah, your welcome, Karen) for cheap beer and couches. 

Could the Giants win it in Six and avoid anything having to do with a Game Seven in Philadelphia? Could they? Could we? Giants fall behind by two. Sanchez is struggling. My buddy Brad is pleading with Bochy to pull him. 

Giants rally to tie the game. Sanchez is pulled in bottom of the third. Just have to say one thing about that inning: totally weak on Chase Utley’s part, throwing the ball back to Sanchez after getting hit. Yeah you got hit. Was it intentional? Are you freaking serious? Of course not. Very immature and unprofessional on your part. That was what was “such bullshit”, as you couldn’t seem to figure out after it happened.

Anyway, back to the game. Could the Giants bullpen hold up for basically seven innings? Oh geez. That’s a long time.

Back and forth. Giants don’t score. Phillies don’t score. Eighth inning. Who would step up? Who’d be the hero?

U-RIBE!!! UUUUU-RIIIIIBE!!! Juan Uribe hits a solo homer in the top of the eighth. Giants up 3-2. Six outs away from the pennant.

Timmy Lincecum comes in to pitch in relief. First guy, OUT! Next two get base hits. Oh no. Five more outs needed. Timmy was struggling.

Bochy emerged and in came Beard Wilson. 

Five outs to go. 

Wilson got the final two outs in the eighth. Giants go down in the top of the ninth. 

Three outs to go.

Wilson got the first out. Drama building. Folks in the bar, myself included, screaming and howling at the top of our lungs. Wilson got the second out. Are we gonna do it? Is this really happening. 

Howard’s up. No homers and no RBI for the series. Surely he’d do something here. STRIKE THREE CALLED! THE GIANTS WIN THE PENNANT!

Folks in Bernal Heights took to the streets, high-fiving total strangers and hugging people as they walked by. Cars were honking. People were shooting off fireworks. I rode in a cab down Mission from Bernal Heights to the Excelsior. It was a madhouse. Giants fans literally pouring into the streets. Flags waving. Pom poms waving. People hugging and cheering. Me hanging out the cab window waving my Rally Rag. What a scene. Haven’t seen a city reaction to a baseball game like that since the Running Redbirds days of the St. Louis Cardinals during the 1980s.

Game One of the World Series begins Wednesday. Beat Texas! Less Texas in America! Can the Giants win it all? Can they bring the World Series trophy to San Francisco? Finally? Why the hell not? 

The last two world weeks have been incredible. Why stop now? Why not wave Aubrey’s red thong and profess our communal love for Cody Ross down Market Street during a championship parade? 

Why not? The torture continues.

Fear the Beard!

Giants Fever, Catch It!

THE SPORTS BOTTOM - October 16, 2010

I see ORANGE people.

Fear the Beard!

F*CK YEAH!

San Francisco definitely has Giants Fever! Our beloved Orange and Black start the National League Championship Series today in Philadelphia against the Phillies. ¡Vamos Gigantes!

Nobody expected the Giants to do much this year. Sure, they had great pitching. But the offense was supposed to be so “offensive” that the team would have been overachieving if it finished at .500.

But look what happened. The National League West was a two-team race in the end. Yeah the Rockies tried to get back into it and were in it until the last two weeks. But it was mano a mano, or is that equipo a equipo, between the Giants and the San Diego Padres.

The Padres? How can you hate the Padres? San Diego is beautiful. You can even go into the water in San Diego without worrying (too much) about sharks, riptides and hypothermia. And, they are NOT the Dodgers.

But as the season wore on and the Pad’s huge lead in the West started to dwindle and get smaller and smaller, San Franciscans realized, “Hey, we can win this thing.” Suddenly we all took notice of the standings because Giants’ games were becoming and event again at AT&T Park.

Once the Rockies fell off the pace (and you had to worry about them, seeing as how they won, what, 13 out of 14 to win the wild card in 2007, or something crazy like that) the battle was on between the Giants and the Padres. NorCal versus SoCal. Bring it on.

The battle for the West raged on. Giants up by three games with three to play, all three against the Padres. Pads win the first. Pads win the second. Suddenly it’s the last game of the regular season and the Giants are clinging to a one game lead. The City was ready for a showdown.

Final game. Giants win. Off to the playoffs. The team made a victory lap around AT&T Park after clinching the West, and all of the Bay Area rejoiced. Champagne glasses were raised. Beer glasses were toasted. Joints were lit up. Los Gigantes were off to the playoffs.

Everyone rallied around the Giants in the first round against the Braves. Young and old, gay and straight, hipsters and yuppies. It was awesome to be a part of. Giants win a thrilling series.

But now things get ever more serious. Four wins away from the World Series. Four wins against the two-time defending National League Champions. Timmy Lincecum opens the series for the Giants. Awesome, no problem, right? The Phillies counter with Doc Halladay. All he did was pitch the second no-hitter in post-season history in the Phillies’ first series. Damn, that’s pretty awesome.

So it’s on. Love your cheese steaks, Philly, but that’s about it. San Francisco is ready to rally around our local nine again. 

Rally rags? Check. Orange pompoms? Check. Bright orange shirt? Check. See you at the bar, Giants fans.

Settle Down, Giants Fans

THE SPORTS BOTTOM - October 9, 2010

Playoff baseball is upon us. Wow, what an exciting time of the year! Sure, baseball can be kind of boring to watch, more of a social event at the stadium rather than a sporting event. At least in San Francisco, anyways.

But lo and behold baseball has The City in its claws right now because San Francisco’s beloved Giants shocked the world and won the National League West Division. 

One thing you have to understand is that San Francisco isn’t the best sports city in the country. There’s just too many other things to do here and it’s a very transient community within The City. I wasn’t living here when the 49ers were winning their five Super Bowls. I’m sure The City rallied behind them because their games became events.

San Francisco loves an event. Bring the eyes of the nation to one particular place and San Francisco will be there en masse, roaring with approval and being seen where it’s cool to be seen. Right now that scene-to-be-seen is at the ball park. San Francisco is very proud of it’s “new” ball park, and AT&T Park, situated right along San Francisco Bay, while not being cheap, is a GREAT place to see a ball game.

The City was flying high with Giants Fever as Game Two approached in SF. And why not? The Giants seemed invincible after Game One. Sure we have no offense and our bullpen can be suspect, but damn, no one can touch our starting pitching. I mean, we kept Barry Freakin’ Zito off the playoff roster because our rotation was already so strong!

And Timmy Lincecum did not disappoint in Game One. A two-hit shutout, 14 strikeouts. FOURTEEN! It was incredible to watch. The kid was en fuego. The City roared it’s approval every time an Atlanta Brave struck out. And after the Giants scored a run we all knew the game was over. Timmy was not going to disappoint.

And he didn’t. The Giants took Game One 1-0 and all of San Francisco seemed to be screaming and hollering and toasting our victorious Giants. There seemed no way in hell the Braves had a chance against our Orange and Black. No way in hell.

Matty Cain was pitching Game Two, and since he bears a striking resemblance to Ralph Malph from Happy Days, we were ready to holler, “I still got it!” after all of his strike outs.

Bottom of the first inning, Pat Burrell cranks a three-run home run, Giants up 3-0. The score eventually gets to 4-0 and Cain is happily rolling along, even hitting an RBI single himself to boot. The Giants couldn’t fail. The City was already making plans on where to watch the clinching game on Sunday while still being able to see the Blue Angels perform (another event taking place the same weekend).

Braves get a run. Isn’t that cute. Cain keeps rolling along.

Suddenly Cain started to falter. Suddenly the Braves started getting base runners. Suddenly we didn’t seem so invincible. Cain got yanked and suddenly our “suspect bullpen” was in the game. Uh oh. 

Giants closer Brian Wilson came into the game in the eighth inning. Uh oh. Braves rallied to tie the score in the top of the ninth. Uh oh. Giants couldn’t rally and the Braves got a home run in the eleventh inning to win the game. Oh shit.

Wait a minute. What just happened? I barely had time to step out on the patio for a smoke and get a beer at the bar and now we lost? This wasn’t supposed to happen. This isn’t physically possible.

Game Three is in Atlanta on Sunday. Now our beloved Giants need to win Sunday or face elimination the next day. 

Over-confidence can be a bad thing. While we were deliriously waving our Rally Rags and orange pompoms and deciding where we were gonna watch the next game, somebody forgot to tell the Braves to Fear the Beard. See you in Atlanta.

Rebels, Say It Ain't True. Long Live JSU!

THE SPORTS BOTTOM - September 4, 2010

Happy First-Full-Saturday-of-College-Football! Granted, not as exciting of a day as next Sunday, which is of course Opening Day of the National Football League, but it’ll do. It’s been a long time since last February and New Orleans’ awesome Super Bowl victory. Who Dat?!

Still a good day. Spent the entire day watching football, beginning with the most-inconvenient 9:30AM kickoff between my Mizzou Tigers and the Illinois Fighting Illini. Anytime you have to set an alarm to watch a football game it’s starting way too early. I guess I should be happy the game was on TV at all. It’s a long way from St. Louis, MO to San Francisco, CA.

Definitely a happy day. Especially with Ol’ Mizzou beating the Illini for the sixth consecutive season. Go Tigers! Optimism runs high at this time of the year. Everyone’s tied for first place. And especially when you win your season opener, life is very good, at least until next weekend.

What have we learned from Opening Day of College Football? Not too much. Alabama is still gonna be ranked number one. But really, San Jose State? I mean, I live in the Bay Area and even I had to remind myself: Does SJSU have a football team?

Oklahoma struggled and only beat Utah State by seven. Huh? Probably just a fluke. OU will be fine. They always are. The most important Sooner news is that OU alum Sam Bradford, the number one draft pick in this year’s NFL draft, will start the St. Louis Rams season opener next Sunday against the Big Red. Go Sam Bradford! Yeah, I’m trusting my NFL happiness to a Choke-lahoma grad, but what can I do? The Rams have won six games in the last three seasons. SIX!!!

But back to the topic-at-hand: college football opening day. What did we learn? It’s hard to learn a lot opening day due mainly to the large number of cupcake games played by the powerhouse teams. I mentioned Alabama/San Jose State. What about Miami/Florida A&M? Or Florida State/Samford? Tough to determine anything based on those games. Cupcakes take the big money and offer themselves up to powerhouse teams for large paychecks.

Sometimes it backfires for the powerhouse schools. Today’s darlings of college football: Ladies and Gentlemen your Jacksonville State Gamecocks from Jacksonville, Alabama! 

They marched into Oxford, Mississippi and SEC country and beat the Ole Miss Rebels 49-48 in two overtimes! What a finish! The last two plays for the ‘cocks: 30 yard touchdown pass on FOURTH-AND-FIFTEEN, then a two-point conversion pass through a maze of arms and hands that somehow found the receiver. Awesome. Sure, Ole Miss is usually towards the bottom of the SEC standings, but it’s still an SEC team. 

Jacksonville is a Football Championship Subdivision team, which used to be called Division I-AA, but I guess that was more confusing then Football Championship Subdivision? Whatever. Division I-AA! That’s huge! Careful with those cupcakes, Ole Miss. Good thing tailgating in The Grove in Oxford was in full swing, because by the end of the game Rebel fans needed something to take their minds off of the game.

Ole Miss was ranked in the Top Ten going into last season, peaking at number four, but wound up with a 9-4 record and a Cotton Bowl victory. Not too shabby. But not a national championship either. And today they fell to Jacksonville State.

The Kansas Jayhawks did the same thing, “hiring” Division I-AA North Dakota State to come to Lawrence and get killed by the Jayhawks. Guess what happened? The Bison beat the Jayhawks 6-3. Words cannot describe how truly awesome that result it. Especially to a Mizzou alum who is still bitter that the Jayhawks got the 2007 Orange Bowl bid over Mizzou even though the Tigers beat them and finished ahead of them in the Big XII standings.

Fear the ‘cocks!!! Fear the Bison!!!